true to self

there is part of me that wants to be, thinks i am, this put together mother. that is the side of me that pinterests for new ideas and amazingly tasty recipes to make for my family. the one who can, with no warning, whip up a delicious side for a pot luck dinner. that is the side of me that reads home decorating blogs for ideas on re-doing our home one room at a time, knowing it will look amazing in the end. the side of me that showers daily, puts on seasonal makeup, and still has time to straighten my gray-less hair. there is always time for a salon visit. the one who has an amazing wardrobe for any occasion. is trendy in any shoe. shows her genuine smile and pearly whites. the side of me that spends equal amounts of real quality time with my two well behaved children. the one who is always patient with the kids, despite messes, spills, or tiny toys under my feet. the amazing mom who can craft, sew, and cook all in a days work. the one who keeps the house tidy, even in the kids playroom. never has laundry piles, dirty or clean, all over the house. the sort of mom who just takes it all in stride. the working mom who can still manage to hold her house together. one with no fears, can kill the spiders, and still have time to paint tiny toe nails. the one you can look at and wonder, 'how does she do it?'. 
you probably know a mom just like that.
she is not me.
i am more like the mom who does have bad days. and lets it show. who wears her emotions on her sleeve and her kid's food on her shirt. that mom who takes her kids out to eat for dinner more than she cooks for them at home. especially when the main cook of the house, dad, is out of town. fruit is always a perfect side dish at our house. i stock our snack basket with processed foods. i drink soda and let my older kid have some too. i read healthy food blogs but find it impossible to not eat carbs. cereal is a common breakfast for the girls. and i'm not talking just cheerios. i'm that one who is lucky to shower every other day but thankfully still always makes time to brush her teeth and put on deodorant. some nights the kids go to bed without brushing their teeth.  i have been known to go to the dunkin donuts drive-thru in my pajamas. i wear flats way more than i wear heels. i wear jeans to work but do try to dress them up with my limited heel selection. a dress is saved for an occasion. do i even own a skirt? a good day is a straight hair day but an ordinary day is a ponytail and/or headband. my toe nails are rarely polished, or have chipped color. today i forgot to tweeze my brows... again. i am a runner. a fast runner with great work out clothes and expensive running sneakers. but i never run. my only exercise right now consists of walking to and from my car at work.  i lose my patience. more often than i want to. sometimes a weekend day feels like forever. i stress over tantrums. i don't like baby talk, unless you're a baby. i feel overwhelmed by the laundry, dishes, and dust. toys in every room of the house is normal but still not acceptable. crafts rarely happen. coloring with markers and crayons is easier. imaginary play is torture to me. no, i do not like to play barbies. i am more than willing to play cards, board games, or have a movie night on the living room couch. i get road rage. my daughter has heard my car horn a few times. my pantry... not even close to organized.  there are not enough pictures of my kids around the house. our hallways are bare. i do not know how to decorate. but again, i still love to read those decorating blogs. our dressers are often bare and our laundry can be found in piles on the couch. sticky stuff in hair comes out with a washcloth when this mom is too lazy to give a bath. i have a box full of kindergarten and first grade pictures, assignments, and report cards. i have a great book to organize them in. not sure when i will ever match the two up. probably not before she starts 2nd grade. one baby book is slim pickings while the other is a masterpiece of a baby book. most of the photos i take sit waiting patiently in iphoto to be printed or put in a book. and the car i drive on a daily basis always has crumbs, food, sippy cups, shoes, and toys in it.
this is me. 
this is the kind of mom i am. sometimes i am hard on myself about it. other days, like today, i simply embrace it.
i am, at the end of every day, a lucky mom.